Is it ever good enough?

Mother's milk ("MM") is the best for baby. Of course there is no denying on this fact. It gives the right nutrition and antibodies. Besides being served at the right temperature without the hassle of sterilizing bottles, when given direct, MM also provides bonding between mother and baby. Best of all, it is FREE.

Studies have shown that when a baby is fed on MM for first 6 months, the parents would have saved a total of S$710. That is quite a lot of savings considering the already high expenses you have to spend on diapers, pediatrician, immunisations, clothes etc etc.

Speaking from experience, the feeling of your baby suckling from you is surreal and totally magical. So touching was the experience, a tear rolled down my cheek when I felt it for the first time.

Now, with all that said and done, I feel there is a bit of over publicity / over-hyping when it comes to the subject. So much so it causes tremendous mental pressure to the mothers. If you don't give MM to your baby, you would be labelled "Bad Mother" "Irresponsible" "Selfish". Already the whole process of breastfeeding is no easy task, such accusations are not making motherhood any easier.

First, your life schedule would be heavily affected (Refer to my previous article on 4-hourly BLOCKS). I remember when my baby was 2 months old, my sister once commented "Your life seems to be revolving around nothing but breastfeeding".

Next, there is the frustration of getting your newborn to latch on. He is so hungry and you are so eager to feed but the 'connection' is just not established. Tried the lying down position, american football syle and the conventional style. Still it will take many long minutes before the 'link' is attained. Then not to mention all the engorgement pain that many mothers suffer, blockage of milk ducts, infections, sore nipples, suffering from interrupted sleep to feed the baby at night... Really, noone can relate all these stress, not even your own husband. Yes, they emphatize, but they would never understand the psychological chaos going on in a new mother's mind. It is no wonder that many mothers suffer from postnatal blues after giving birth to their babies.

Still I persevered. I had one problem. Low milkflow. So call it blessing in disguise if you like, I never suffer from engorgement pain. Several occasions of block ducts, yes, but fortunately not severe enough to cause engorgement woes. But I did experience engorgement once. It was Day 4 after delivery. The pain was so excruciating, I just laid on bed helplessly and burst into tears. Thomson Medical Centre, where I delivered, provides 24-hour hotline for mothers. Friendly and very understanding nurses on duty would help to provide advice and soothing words to the stressed out mothers. Apparently the pain is due to the onset of milk production in the body. I shudder when I recall the pain. No amount of cold cabbage compress could alleviate the pain. It was so painful I could not even prop myself up from lying down position. That night, I popped 2 painkillers (as advised by the nurse from the hotline), wrote 'death note', gave my last words to Chup and cried myself to sleep. Nurse said that all will be fine tomorrow. I thought she was just patronizing but she was right. All was well the next day.

Of course it was with advice from my many friends who had gone through the same that I manage to push on. 2 months and all would be better, many of them said. True indeed... Things got better after 2 months. Both mother and baby had got more used to the breastfeeding process. It was still stressful nevertheless. There was a lot going through in my mind about why am I not producing enough milk for my hungry baby. I heeded all the tips that I came across.

Drinking lots of papaya and fish soup, drinking milk for lactating mothers, consuming plenty of liquid, taking Fenugreek supplements, feeding one side and pumping the other side, thinking of baby when pumping milk... you said it, I have done it. But it has only increased the volume by a teeny weeny bit. I told Chup, breastfeeding is more painful and stressful than labour itself.

Despite the barrels of papaya soup I had consumed, the milk production started to drop consistently at the 3rd and 4th month. Particularly after I returned to work when my baby is about 3 months old. I had to drop the midnight (3-4am) pump because it was simply too tiring. I also stopped letting my baby latch on directly at 2nd month. He was addicted to breasts and was refusing bottles. As the milkflow was insufficient, he would rather go hungry than to drink formula milk from bottle. That got me worried as I would have to go back to work the following month. I believe all those that was done have contributed in one way or another in the reduction of milk flow.

I started by expressing 2x at office, once in the morning and one in the afternoon. The session would take me an average of 40 minutes and would often be interrupted by meetings, customer visits and phonecalls. The volume continued to drop and I cut down expressing at office to just once. As days and weeks passed, it became too much of a hassle for the miserable amount of milk I was collecting. My production was probably only enough to feed 20% of my baby's total consumption. Lactating mothers use breast pads to absorb the excess milk. For me, the pads were more to prevent staining of my bra from the nipple butter I was using to prevent sore nipples. There was once I thought I even saw a faint trace of blood when I was expressing! In the end, I took the difficult decision to wean off my baby. Starting with 8x a day, I cut down to 4x a day after I returned to work, then I started to reduce the expressing sessions one at a time. Until I was finally reduced to 1 and eventually zero.

So I breastfed until my baby was 4 months old. I felt I have given all I could provide and I have no regrets. I wish I could breastfeed longer but there was simply no more... I even visited the lactation specialist at Thomson. No block ducts. No engorgement. I ended up paying S$50 for the consultation.

Finally, my parting words for future mothers are, do not take into heart all the pressure from people around you... accusing you of being a bad mother for not breastfeeding or not breastfeeding long enough. Or when your mother accuse you of depriving your baby of food when you try to let him latch on instead of giving formula milk to increase milk production. It won't be easy but just try your best. What is the use of giving your baby the supposed BEST milk when you end up so unhappy and drained emotionally. You may even ended up venting your anger on the helpless baby who is just trying to fill up his hungry stomach. Are you saying breastfed babies do not fall sick? Are you saying babies who drink only formula milk get sick easily?

Just remember, happy mothers will naturally lead to happy babies. As long as you have tried your best, i don't think your little precious would blame you for not doing otherwise.

Here is Zach during a recent holiday in Macau. He is 5.5 months old here and is on 100% formula milk and occasional baby food.

...the one who is enjoying every moment with Zach