Marriage

Today is Christmas Day, and it's the 45th wedding anniversary of my parents' wedding. The photo on the left is the most recent one I took of them, up in the hills of Pahang, in a mock-Alsace resort, just a couple of weeks ago. My mum has decided this year that she would no longer dye her hair, and they are now both compatible again down to the hair colour! They were married in Dec 1963, and I was born in Oct 1964. Pretty quick work, I'd say. Over the years they have become more alike. Perhaps my mum was once a concise person but because my dad can be hard of hearing, as most men are, she has become fond of repeating herself. And if my dad was once less communicative, he has now become more open to tell her everything he does. So they talk a lot to each other and always have topics to discuss. They almost never quarrel. I cannot imagine them without the other.

Yesterday, Lin told me someone was getting a divorce. It was due to "irreconcilable difference". Whatever happened to good old-fashioned adultery, I thought. Shouldn't that be the only justifiable cause of divorce, that a union has been "irrevocably shattered"? Isn't "difference" a given, and there are no truly compatible couples (except very dull ones where each spouse has no individuality?) And then there are couples who expect the other party to change after marriage. Hello? I'm not saying that every marriage should last forever. I'm saying one enters into a marriage with eyes wide open and the grounds of a divorce shouldn't be "irreconcilable difference" because these differences would have been evident before marriage. If you knew there were difference and you knew that people don't change, then why divorce over this?

What does it take to stay together for 45 years? From what I can see; open communication, a sense of humour, good temper, reasonableness, live and let live. I've never heard them say, "I love you" to one another. They didn't need to. Their deeds said it all.

Today, Lin gave me a wallet. As I emptied my old one, I found a photo of us taken before we were married. It was taken in one of those photo booths so popular then. You chose the template you want and the photo is printed out in sticker form. Lin chose "Love Forever". That was more than 7 years ago. Our hair was still black, and fuller-bodied. We have a long journey ahead of us....

Chup